Love Hurts Instead
by ChristiScribbles
Summary: Rachel raised by Shelby, Rachel best friends with Puck. A world that isnt Broadway and golden stars. Theyre growing up and he's growing apart. She still needs him. Will he notice when she hurts? Suckish summary.
1. Chapter 1

I felt eyes on me, I turned around and there stood Alex watching me with that creepy glint present in his bone chilling blue eyes. He leaned against my bedroom door-frame, a lazy smirk pulling at his lips. I grabbed my Titans basketball sweatshirt and put it on over my yellow tightish scoop neck tee. I hated the way he looks at me.

"You look better without the sweatshirt," his voice was rough and husky.

"Okay," I stated, not caring at all about his opinion.

I pushed past him and his hand grazed my butt. I scowled at him.

"I didn't mean to," he chuckled, obviously lying.

I just scoffed and continued to walk away. I'm still trying to understand what my mom sees in him. He's a twenty-seven year old loser.

And my mother could be an amazing woman if she were to put her constant need for a man aside.

"Where you going Rach?" He laughed.

"School," I stated, ignoring the fact that he called me the name reserved for close friends.

"You have over an hour before school starts," he narrowed his eyes.

"So?" I slammed the front door behind me, grunting in anger.

Fifteen minutes later, I was browsing through the books in the school library. I'd like to say I was looking for classics by the likes of Jane Austen and John Steinbeck, but I wasn't.

I got bored, unable to find more than one book worth any of my time. The book I did find, _Chasing Tail Lights _by Patrick Jones, seems amazing and unappreciated. Something I would always regret not reading if I had chosen to walk away. Just two sentences of the book description and I was hooked.

_'Like most teens in Flint, she's dying to leave this dying city. But she's got a secret that she's never told anyone, and it's keeping her chained like a dog to her dead-end life.'_

I don't really have any secrets myself, but I do feel like I'm chained here and that there is something holding me back. I feel a connection with this fictional girl and I haven't even started the book yet. It's almost frightening.

I slipped the book into my bag and slung it on my shoulder and started walking down the hall. I could hear music.

**'I remember when**  
**You were my only friend**  
**Now I'm not sure you can**  
**Feel like that again.**  
**I keep givin' you up.**

**And my**  
**You know my mind's made up this time.**  
**There's no goin' back to find what we had.**  
**And I know**  
**There's no light that's left to shine,**  
**There's no wrong and there's no right.**  
**So enough.**  
**I'm givin' you up.'**

The glee club was having morning practices, according to my neighbor Puck, for some unscheduled new competition. I didn't know the song, but the girl singing seemed to be killing it. Mister Shuester stepped into the hall, almost bumping into me.

"I thought that was you; good. Brad, our piano player is out today. Could you possibly play for us?"

I sighed. I could play piano, and I hated that Will knew it. It was my secret that no one knew, but he was a friend of my mom's. One of the few she had left.

"Rachel please."

"None of the glee club members can play?"

"No, none. Please; I'll give you extra credit in spanish."

I sighed again, "fine. But only because of the extra credit."

"I'm okay with that," Mister Shuester smiled and I followed him into the choir room.

I quietly took a seat at the piano bench, listening to the obnoxious Latina sing beautifully. She had tears in her eyes.

Puck's questioning gaze met my eyes, looking for answers. I looked away.

"That was really great Santana; take your seat please. Rachel has agreed to replace Brad this morning. Make her feel welcomed." Only a blonde girl responded.

I recognized her from pictures, not that she's not known without photographs. Beth's mom, Quinn. The bitchy religious cheerleader who broke Puck's heart; the girl he's in love with.

"Here ya go," Quinn Fabray pointed out her sheet music with a smile. "I didn't know you could play; I didn't know you could do much of anything." Santana snickered, even Kurt Hummel scoffed.

There it was, that hidden insult.

I looked at the song, not normally played on a piano. I started to play, I hated to admit it even to myself. Piano playing took me away and calmed me down. I breathed easily, piano was second nature, and I quickly got the feel of the song.

**'Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of pain,**  
**but I brushed my teeth anyway. I got dressed through the mess,**  
**and put a smile on my face. I got a little bit stronger.**

**Ridin' in the car to work, and I'm tryin' to ignore the hurt.**  
**So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you.**  
**I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.**

**I'm gettin' a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.**  
**And I'm done hopin' that we could work it out,**  
**I'm done with how it feels, spinnin' my wheels,**  
**lettin' you drag my heart around.**  
**And ohhh, and I'm done thinkin' that you could ever change.**  
**I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm tellin' myself**  
**I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.'**

…

The song finished. Puck was watching Quinn, eyes full of hurt. I sighed; she could hurt him over and over and he'd wouldn't care.

"Quinn that was great. Rachel, your playing was as fantastic as ever. Thanks again," Mister Shuester nodded at me. I nodded back, cheeks reddening.

Noah Puckerman looked at me with a smile tugging at his lips and the hurt fading from his eyes. 'You have some explaining to do Rach,' he mouthed.

I shook my head. 'No I don't,' I mouthed back at him.

Agonizingly, I sat through the rest of the glee practice. When Will- Mister Shuester excused them, I slipped out quickly getting lost in the crowd of kids.

My phone started blaring The Big Bang by Rock Mafia, school hasn't started, my phone wasn't on silent yet. I smiled thinking it was Puck, but when I looked at the ID and my smile turned into a scowl.

Alex. I answered, why? No idea.

"Bored yet, honey?" The sound of his icy voice sent shivers down my back.

"Not at all and don't call me honey!" He's so creepy. I wish my mother would dump him.

"You know you like it, hun," he teased.

"Did you need something or are you trying to annoy me?"

"Yeah, I needed to annoy you. You're so damn cute when you are angry."

"Hanging up now, jerk."

"That's no way to treat your step-daddy," I could hear the amusement in his wicked voice.

"Ughh! That is never happening. Goodbye."

"I'm just messing with you; you need to loosen up a little. You need to get lai-"

I snapped my crappy flip phone shut and switched it on vibrate.

_**0000**_

I sat down at an empty table in the cafeteria with my slice of breakfast pizza and moments later, Puck sat beside me.

"So, we've known each other practically our whole lives and I never knew you played piano. What the hell is up with that Berry?" He mumbled through a mouthful of food.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I hate piano."

"Sure fooled me. You were in the zone. Blew everyone away; amazing. You have to play more," he picked up my piece of pizza.

"Hey I want that!" I squeaked.

"You don't need it," he smiled. "You could stand to lose a few pounds." He poked at me.

"Well than!" I pretended to be offended. "I guess I'll just start right now; by walking away from _you_."

"No ya don't. Nobody walks away from the Puckster," he grabbed my arm. "And besides, if you did that, I'm not sure I'd be so keen on letting you sleep over so often." His eyes sparkled. "I know that neither of us want that."

"You make it sound so dirty, you perv." Noah is my best friend, okay, one of my only friends. I've been sneaking over to his bed as long as I can remember.

The sounds of my mom and her male company has always kept me awake and uncomfortable. It's not like I'm spending every night in Noah Puckerman's bed, just two to three times a months. It's no secret either, both his mom and little sister know about it. I'll admit that the number of nights have increased in the last few months, but Alex is weird and doesn't seem to be leaving anytime soon. It's more like a weekly thing now.

We're just friends, I won't lie, we have some obvious chemistry and I do have a little crush. But how could I not? It's nothing serious and I don't like love him like that or anything.

"Dirty would be fun. I could pop that cherry and you'd understand why all women go crazy for me."

"In your dreams Puck," I laughed.

"Oh most definitely."

"Gross!"

His cheeks tinged pink. "Seventeen year old guy, can't really help it Rachie

"Ew, you didn't have to be truthful though."

"I don't lie to you," he looked me in the eyes, taking another bite of _my _slice ofpizza.

"I don't lie to you," I repeated back.

"See, perfect. Two peas in a pod. Here," Puck put my half eaten slice of breakfast pizza in my hand. "Finish this dollface; I have a baby-mama to see." He looked at her, eyes lit up and that half smirk that drives all girls crazy. "Seeya later."

What just happened?

"I'm Joe," my attention caught by the guy now across from me.

"Hi?"

He smiled, beautiful eyes and something enchanting about his dreadlocks and nose ring.

"Joe Hart, I'm new and in Glee Club. I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing."

"Thanks, I'm Rachel," I smiled.

* * *

There's the first chapter! What do you guys think? The first song is Giving You Up by Miley Cyrus. The second is A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans, but I think Leighton Meester sings it better.

Slow and short start, I know, but I don't want to give everything away right away.

Should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Glee ended and Puck came waltzing through my door, all smiles. I had been sitting on the couch reading the book I checked out and listening to some old school Avril. My kind of relaxation.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm so happy?" He plopped down beside me, putting his arm behind me on the couch.

"Can't you see that I'm busy not caring about your STD test results. Mom's still at work and Alex is mysteriously gone right now. I have a quiet house to myself; I am being a little selfish right now."

"Rachel Barbra Berry, you wound me. And my results all came back negative fyi. Ask me Rach."

"You must be so proud that you can continue on being a man-whore with no worries. I'm happy that you won't be spreading diseases."

"Someone is really crabby," he stated in a sing-song voice.

"I'm not crabby, I am trying to read and you are interrupting my me time."

"Oh no. Ask me why I'm happy!"

"Fine." I put my book, still open, down. "What has you so happy Puck?"

"I am meeting Quinn and Beth at the park in fifteen minutes."

I didn't say anything. I looked at him, blinking my eyes.

"Well?" He asked expectantly. "Say something."

I shrugged. "I don't know Puck. I am glad you get to see Beth."

He scoffed. "That's all? Where's my support Rachel? I love her, I want to be a family with her and our daughter."

"What do you want me to say? All she does is hurt you. Quinn keeps you leashed to her and at her beck and call by using that amazing baby of yours. When are you going you wake up and see it? It's all a game to her."

"I can't believe you. Please just be happy for me once," he shook his head in disgust.

"I can't. It was so obvious that that song she sang this morning was directed at you. She didn't sing it to show everyone that it's taken every ounce of her strength to try and get over you. She sang it to hurt you; to see that pain in your eyes. That's the type of girl she is. She's not happy, so nobody else can be either."

"Wow, thanks. Thanks. I have to go," he pulled his arm away and got up.

I followed. "Wait. I'm sorry." I stood in front of the door. "I want to see you happy. I'd love to see you happy, but you aren't. You're always hurting with her and I hate seeing that; I would support you if I could. But I can't, please don't ask me to."

He sighed. "Rach, I'm sorry I'm being such an ass. Quinn is trying though, it's hard for her. We hurt Finn and she's hating herself right now and doesn't know how to handle her mistakes."

I chuckled humorlessly. "When did we grow up and get complicated lives?"

"I don't know, but it sucks." He hugged me tightly and and nuzzled his face into my hair. "How about I take a raincheck with them and me and you do something instead?"

I pulled away and looked at him. "No. That's not what I'm getting at. Spend time with Beth; I'm not trying to drop hints about being jealous of time you spend with them. Not at all, we see each other all the time. Too much. Beth needs to see her daddy."

"You sure? I wouldn't mind, not for you." He smiled.

"I am, and it's not like I won't see you later."

"Ahh, right. When you crawl into my bed tonight," he wiggled his eyebrows.

I slapped his shoulder. "Stop being a pervert!"

"I think you love it," his eyes bright. "Are you sure you want me to go?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, go. I have plans anyway. Just don't get hurt, don't let her walk all over you."

"I won't. What are you and Tina Cohen-Chang doing this fine evening?"

I didn't have plans with Tina at all, but I just smiled. "I don't know yet."

"You two are so much fun," he rolled his eyes.

"You know it! Don't be jealous."

"I'll try not to be. But, hey, I better get going." He kissed me on the cheek.

"Okay. Give that little cutie a hug for me."

"It's about time you admit your deep feelings for Quinn."

"Nasty! Goodbye Puck," I laughed, shutting the door in(on?) his face.

"I appreciate your love so much!" He yelled through the door.

"Don't make me get a restraining order, because I will."

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots!"

"You aren't wearing boots today."

"My point exactly!"

"Just leave Puckerman." I smiled.

"I'm going. I'll leave my door unlocked for you, _babe_."

"Bye."

_**0000**_

"...**Oh oh,**  
**You don't know you're beautiful,**  
**Oh oh,**  
**That's what makes you beautiful**

**So c-come on,**  
**You got it wrong,**  
**To prove I'm right,**  
**I put it in a song,**  
**I don't know why,**  
**You're being shy,**  
**And turn away when I look into your eye eye eyes**...

ugh! No. Why this song? I'm going to kill her."

"Honey that's not nice," My mother stated from my bedroom doorway.

"I don't care. The song is dumb, the band isn't any good. It's horribly catchy and I hate it."

She laughed. "Stop being so dramatic Rachel. A bad song is no reason to kill anyone. Even if it is a song that you hate that stuck in your head."

"If you say so," I rolled my eyes.

"Will told me that you played for his glee club this morning, that you were amazing."

"Damn. So what mom? I hate playing, I only did it for the extra spanish credit."

"He said you were really into it. Maybe you don't hate it as much as you think you do. I think you should join; your piano skills and that voice of yours would do them wonders."

"No. I'm not joining that stupid club."

"Fine. You look nice, Noah Puckerman finally admit his feelings?"

"Mom! No, Noah does not have feelings for me. We are just friends. Why must I keep explaining this?"

"If you say so, but you are clueless."

"Whatever. I'm hanging out with Joe, we're going bowling."

"How does Noah feel about you and this Joe-boy?"

"Mom! He doesn't care. God, can't you just leave him out of this?"

"Does he even know?"

"No he doesn't."

"Than how you know that he doesn't care?"

"He's with Quinn and Beth right now."

"And I bet he thinks you have plans with Tina." That is scary; sometimes she knows me so well.

"So? He assumed, I just didn't correct him."

"Well, Rachel I hope you have fun on your date. You look lovely." she told me quietly. "I'm going to get changed and settle down for the evening with Alex when he gets back."

"Okay. Enjoy your night."

"You aren't going to ask where he is? That's unlike you."

"Why would I spoil my own fun that way? I'm imagining that he left and is never coming back," I smiled.

"You are horrible. I really wish you'd try to get along with him. He wants to get to know you. He'll be back later; his little brother just moved to town and they have some catching up to do."

"That's cool. I guess," I told her not really caring.

"So when is this boy picking you up?" She picked up my brush and started brushing my hair.

"I'm meeting him at Bowlmor actually."

"He's not even picking you up? What kind of guy-"

"The kind that I'm not on a real date with. We're just hanging, as friends."

"I'm sure Noah wouldn't see it that way."

"Aaaahhhh! Out mom, out. Puck and I are friends, that's it and that's all it will ever be and that's all I want."

"Are you sure he wants that?"

"Yes. Get out!"

"Okay," she put her hands up in surrender. "Have fun on your non-date."

"I will, thanks."

_**0000**_

I walked close to the curb, shuffling my feet against the asphalt.

"You don't know you're beautiful... Damn Tina," I chuckled to myself.

"Berry? Spying on Puck and I now, really? Your jealously really that high?" Quinn asked, hands on her hips.  
Sure enough, I was by the park.

"Rach?" Puck asked, approaching us with a little blonde toddler laughing in his arms. "Is something going on?"

"No I'm meeting, Joe, we're bowling. It's pretty nice right now, so I thought I'd just walk." I tried to decipher his expression, but couldn't.

"I'm impressed Man Hands, you have a date with Joe Hart. Good job," she nodded approvingly.

I looked at Puck, his attention now focused on Beth entirely. "It's," not a date.

"Well spit it out," Quinn examined her nails.

I couldn't say it for some reason. Those three small words seemingly refused to leave my lips. "Umm, I have to get going; don't want to be late. Seeya around. Puck, Quinn."

"Bye-bye Rachie," Beth enthusiastically waved.

My mouth went slack, Puck's eyes were wide.

"What. The. Hell?" Quinn yelled furiously. "Explain why my daughter's fifth word is _her _name!"

"Rachel is my oldest friend," Puck explained, looking at me.

"And? Are you telling me that Berry is over when _our _daughter is with you?"

"Not on a regular basis, no, but yeah Rachel has been over a few times. Beth likes her, responds to her easily."

"Give me my daughter. Now!" She grabbed Beth roughly from Puck's arms.

Beth started crying loudly.

"Be careful Quinn. God damn," he attempted to take Beth back from her.

"No," she shrugged away from him.

"Daad-deee!" Beth whined and tried to reach for him.

It was breaking my heart.

"Leave, now. And don't expect to be getting Beth alone anytime soon Noah. I'm sick of all your shit, I don't want any of your choices affecting my amazing little girl."

"Our little girl Quinn, and you can't just tell me that I can't see her."

"I just did."

_**0000**_

"Puck, I'm-"

"Get out Rach," he stated, hands gripping the steering wheel of his pickup truck.

"What?" I'll stay with you. Joe will understand I'm sure," I told him.

"Get out. I don't want you near me. Go on your stupid date with Dread-Boy and leave me the hell alone. I even delivered you to the bowling alley," his voice was cold and emotionless.

"But."

"All this is your fault. I shouldn't have listened to you. Things were okay again and I had to let you open your big mouth. Get out of my sight Berry," he spoke softly, venomously. "Just don't talk to me anymore."

I looked at my hands resting in my lap.

"Are you deaf? Get the fuck out!" He yelled at me; his eyes flashed with anger.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and carefully stepped out of his truck. "I'm," he sped off, "sorry Noah."

I stood there, tears threatening to spill over, watching the tire tracks fade.

"There you are," Joe pushed off the building. "I starting to think that you stood me up. I was preparing to be crushed."

I sniffled and quickly wiped my eyes. "No, my mom kept distracting me. Took a while to get her to stop talking," I forced a smile.

* * *

**There's chapter 2, hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry for any mistakes.**

**Still kind of boring, but it's building. More interesting stuff will happen in chapter three or four**

**For anyone wondering, yeah I chose to have Puck and Quinn keep Beth. Season one has happened; this takes place in season two, but is a compilation of seasons two and three. **

**That damn One Direction song is the song in this chapter. **

**Thanks for the reviews and the alerts and stuff, keep them coming!**


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